


Touch-Tone Telephone

by Sphealrical



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: I don't know how else to tag this y'all already know wtf going on, M/M, Post-MAG 160, Screenplay/Script Format, Short & Sweet, Spoilers, post-MAG 159, this is a post-Voicemails world we out here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23764234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sphealrical/pseuds/Sphealrical
Summary: Elias won his bet, and he's trying to gloat, but Peter won't pick up his phone.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas
Comments: 25
Kudos: 133





	Touch-Tone Telephone

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [ this tweet, which nearly killed me, ](https://twitter.com/LegalValkyrie/status/1252382592269029376)and by [this tweet by Theo, which dealt the finishing blow.](https://twitter.com/charmophron/status/1252389764117835783)
> 
> I've been practicing my script/screenplay styles for my portfolio, and I'm so happy I got to practice with my latest obsession.

[A ROBOTIC VOICE INFORMS THAT “YOU HAVE—”, FOLLOWED BY GARBLED STATIC. THE WORD “MESSAGES” CAN BE BRIEFLY MADE OUT. A GENERIC BEEP.]

_VOICEMAIL 1:_

**ELIAS**

I see the plan went off without a hitch the whole way through! Martin and Jon are safely tucked away in the Scottish countryside. I was pleasantly surprised to see Martin, by the way. If your thought was that you could get back at me by giving my Archivist his beau back, you’ve miscalculated twice in a row. I don’t want them to suffer, and in fact, I think Martin deserves happiness after everything. If I thought he would accept a room at the institute near yours, I would gladly extend an offer so he might be protected for what’s to come.

But I digress. Your compliance through this ordeal is _very_ appreciated, I assure you. I’ll make it up to you when you decide to stop acting petulant and come back.

[VOICEMAIL ENDS]

* * *

_VOICEMAIL 2:_

[BEEP]

**ELIAS**

You have to come out of that fog some time, Peter.

[VOICEMAIL ENDS]

* * *

_VOICEMAIL 3:_

[BEEP]

**ELIAS**

The dock workers are going to steal your precious _Tundra_ at this rate, if they don’t tear it apart for scrap instead.

[VOICEMAIL ENDS]

* * *

_VOICEMAIL 4:_

[BEEP]

**ELIAS**

I’ve called the pier supervisor and told them about your outstanding debts. Tick-tock, Peter.

[VOICEMAIL ENDS]

* * *

_VOICEMAIL 5:_

[BEEP]

**ELIAS**

Really, you _must_ stop pouting. This is hardly the first time you’ve lost a bet, _big man,_ and it won’t be the last.

You’ll see! Forsaken will profit from the apocalypse just as much as any other entity. Barring the Ceaseless Watcher, of course, but no need to worry. Though I’ll finally be able to hold something over _your_ head, I won’t abuse the privilege of it, unlike some.

In fact, you’ll have quite the advantages in my new world. You have connections. I’ll let you set up shop near that pier you love so much. You can roam the fog and pluck people into the _Tundra_ and throw them overboard as you wish. I’ll keep a room for you, dusty and covered in mildew—just the way you like it.

I’m about to finish writing the final to-do now. I kindly invite you to join me at the institute before I send it—avoid the unpleasantness of suffering a post-ritual world and save your pride by choosing to come back to me of your own volition. You know the Crown will allow me to find you afterwards, regardless. Why not be the bigger man?

Basira will be sending the statements in two days’ time. Do try to get back to me before they get to Jon, would you? It’ll be much easier to prepare your accommodations before the laws of time and space change.

[VOICEMAIL ENDS]

* * *

_VOICEMAIL 6:_

[STATIC]

**ELIAS**

Where are you, Peter Lukas?

[VOICEMAIL ENDS]

[STATIC, WHICH DECREASES IN VOLUME AS THE SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS OVER TILE GETS LOUDER. THE FOOTSTEPS STOP. THERE’S THE SOUND OF CLOTH RUSTLING AS SOMEONE LEANS DOWN OVER AN OBJECT ON THE GROUND. THE PHONE IS RUSTED, MANGLED. THE CRACKED PLASTIC FALLS AWAY AS HE PICKS IT UP.]

**ELIAS**

I see.

[STATIC LIGHTLY PLAYS AS ELIAS USES THE BEHOLDING TO DIAL PETER’S NUMBER FROM MUSCLE MEMORY. THE RINGTONE ‘BIG BOY PETER’ BEGINS TO PLAY.]

**ELIAS, _(cont.)_**

Of course.

[THE RINGTONE CONTINUES PLAYING. IT LOOPS ONCE, AND THEN GOES TO VOICEMAIL. A GENERIC VOICEMAIL MESSAGE PLAYS FROM THE PHONE’S SPEAKERS, FOLLOWED BY A BEEP.]

**ELIAS, _(cont.)_**

You stubborn old fool. What have you done?

[STATIC. PETER LUKAS’S FINAL WORDS DURING HIS AND JON’S LAST CONFRONTATION CAN BE HEARD AS THE BEHOLDING ANSWERS]

**ELIAS, _(cont.)_**

Oh, you sentimental— (a breath in, through gritted teeth) _bastard._ What did you do?

[CRACKING PLASTIC]

**ELIAS, _(cont.)_**

_What_ did you _do?_

**END**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you liked it! Comments greatly appreciated please please please


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